One of the best ways to see ourselves is through our relationships. Relationships are the most effective tool we have for pushing aside the veil hiding our unconscious thoughts and providing us with an up-close and personal look at what actually is going on inside of us. When we understand that relationships are just mirrors of our internal states of being, they become a powerful tool for expanding our awareness.
In reality, all of the experiences we have in all of our relationships are actually happening inside of us. The environment outside does not create that experience. We are actually creating that experience moment to moment inside our mind with our thoughts. The people in our lives are just triggers for inner experiences that have existed within us for a long time, well before those people entered our lives. That is why we tend to repeat the same experiences in life with different people and different relationships. By recognizing the things that show up within ourselves through relationships we realize they are just a reflection of the unconscious patterns within us. As we expand this awareness; we can actively use our relationships as tools to consciously transform ourselves. At the same time, we will expand our relationships into higher and mutually beneficial experiences.
Our Reactions Are the Key to Greater Awareness
It is especially important to be conscious of our reactions to others because in those reactions we have the most to learn about ourselves. Our mind reacts to some people’s behavior because it is unaware of the unconscious patterns that these people are showing us about ourselves. If we see and react to anger in another person, it is because anger exists within us. It may not be expressed in the same way as the person we are reacting to but somewhere, in some way, that same pattern exists within us. The closer the relationship, the more powerful the mirror is in amplifying our internal states.
When we realize that relationships are just mirrors that reflect our internal self, how can we blame anyone or anything outside of ourselves when they are just reflections of what lives inside of us that can help us recognize and heal old patterns? Often we blame others in close relationships for not meeting our needs when the person that is not meeting our needs – is ourselves. It is absurd to think that someone else can give us something that we lack within ourselves. We are the only ones truly capable of going within and doing the work to uncover the unconscious patterns running our life, bringing them into our conscious awareness and reprogramming those patterns to create a more uplifting and fulfilling life experience.
This practice brings a new level of accountability, along with a greater level of empowerment when we understand that we are the only ones truly in control of what we experience. After all who is actually controlling the thoughts within our own mind that are the basis for everything we experience.
As human beings, we all are driven to connect with each other in some way. To truly connect with another human being in a way that does not bring pain and suffering into our lives, it is crucial to connect through our higher states of being with love, joy, compassion, and inspiration instead of the negative states of fear, anger, survival, and control. But in order to do this, it requires taking the time and effort to recognize and “own” the internal destructive patterns that are controlling our unconscious mind before we can be in a relationship that is spirit-based and mutually fulfilling.
A spiritual relationship is a true partnership where each person is ultimately supporting each other in happiness and fulfillment. Blame and victimhood cannot exist in a relationship that is based on love, kindness, compassion and creative purpose. In a spirit-based relationship, two people serve each other in growth and awareness and by positive example ending up serving the world at large.
There are three aspects to every relationship – our part, the other person’s part and the relationship itself. We cannot be responsible for the other person’s part of the relationship. We can only be accountable and take responsibility for our part. When we are fully responsible, we rise above mental patterns and take full control of what we are experiencing and actually experience what love really is. As human beings, our single greatest desire is to love and be loved. The love that I am describing is not an emotional, conditional love, it is an unconditional life-affirming energy exchange that exists in every moment of every interaction that we have.
This article was inspired by the work of Joey Klein and his book The Inner Matrix – A Guide to Transforming Your Life and Awakening Your Spirit
John Longhill is a Business/Life Coach, Consultant & Mentor offering services to individuals, businesses and non-profit organizations. He is the author of Right Brain Success – a method of incorporating creativity into day to day decision making.